Everyone deserves a love story, but let’s face it: dating
within the LGBTQ community isn’t cakewalk. This is especially true for those
just coming to terms with their sexuality and are unsure where to start. There
are a few options to kick off the quest for love, from LGBTQ-friendly bars to
online forums and dating apps. Still, the experience can be quite
nerve-wracking without some kind of guide. In the spirit of Pride Month this
June, here are five practical tips from people’s experiences to help kindle the
chance for romance:
Know Your Comfort Level
The LGBTQ community is vast with many levels of coming out.
Simple gestures such as holding hands or hugging in public may already be an
issue for some, while others may avoid dating in certain places for fear of
being seen by family or friends. If you are similarly on the shy side, you may
feel more comfortable dating someone equally reserved. It’s understandable that
courage can take time, and there’s no shame coming out step by step.
Consider Safe Spaces
The typical coffee shop or restaurant isn’t bad for a
meet-up, but if you want a sure-fire, LGBTQ-friendly place in Metro Manila,
here’s a few you can consider. Fred’s Revolucion is one among other
establishments in Cubao Expo, Quezon City, that signed up for the Safe Space
Campaign in 2013 to show commitment in the fight against homophobia, biphobia,
and transphobia. Another is Uno Morato, a cultural hub, coffee shop, and bar
along Maginhawa Street, Quezon City, where LGBTQ dates would not feel out of
place. In Poblacion, Makati, Commune offers great Philippine coffee and
conversation for any and all visitors. There’s plenty more places like these
where you and your date can feel more secure opening up, so be sure to look up
LGBTQ-friendly spaces online when planning a casual meet-up.
Build Rapport
Chances are your date is just as anxious, more so if you
two are newly out and new to the dating scene. In that case, it’s ok to tell
your date that you’re nervous to help lighten the mood. Break the ice further
by asking basic questions about work, school, hobbies, or future plans, and
don’t be afraid to talk about yourself. Being too cautious would only make you
look boring, disinterested, or untrustworthy. Should you talk about politics
and religion? Some advise against it, but if you’re serious about finding a
long-term partner, you would want to know whether your values and principles
match. Just keep an open mind and stay cool even if the other one takes a
stance opposite yours. Do watch out about getting too personal once the ball
starts rolling, like suddenly talking about bedroom fantasies or exes if there
are any. You want your date to feel safe, not pressured, objectified, or
plainly creeped out.
Set Realistic Expectations
It’s not wrong to have standards when dating, but remember
that no one is perfect. Don’t let a stringent checklist or ideal preference
stop you from enjoying the company of new people. It’s also important not to be
too self-conscious, so be yourself and laugh a little. Who knows, your date
might just find you attractive and you click from the get go. There are a few
red flags, of course, like if your date is rude to the wait staff or has
terrible hygiene. Otherwise, be confident and have fun.
Drop a Message
Even if a first date isn’t successful, it’s polite to say
something after. Most people today, including members of the LGBTQ community,
resort to ghosting—suddenly disappearing from contact without
explanation—hoping to get their message across, but imagine being in that other
person’s shoes. Rejection is tough, and it gets tougher if you don’t know why.
Always follow the golden rule. Send the other person a message saying thanks
for hanging out with you, and that you think you don’t match or didn’t feel a
romantic connection. On the other hand, if you liked your date, be sure to say
that you enjoyed the evening and are interested in seeing him or her again.
Don’t sound too pushy, though. Your date is also evaluating you, so give the
other person a chance to accept or deny the offer of a second meeting.
LGBTQ dating in the real world isn’t something openly
televised or given exposure on media. Fortunately, some shows like First Dates
feature everyday people, men and women across the rainbow spectrum, going on
blind dates—real-life scenarios perfect for a few lessons on dating. Want more
tips on how to go about dating in the LGBTQ world? See how aspiring couples
take a shot at love on First Dates, Tuesdays at 8:50PM, first and exclusive on
Blue Ant Entertainment.
Blue Ant Entertainment is available on SKYcable channels 53
(SD) and 196 (HD), SKYdirect channel 35, Destiny Cable channel 53, and
Cablelink channels 37 (SD) and 313 (HD).
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